Southern Comfort: Day 50 - Placencia (Cocktail Special)

Last night I had sex in the tropics. Quite a lot of it if I’m being honest. And I have to say, it was very very good! ...And that was after a couple of panty rippas, which was also quite an experience. The latter is the national drink of Belize. Coconut rum and pineapple for those interested. The former, I couldn’t testify to its absolute origin, only it’s intensity. Like most cocktails I've tried, they seem all too innocuous until it's time to walk home and then they pounce like an backstreet skin trader, stripping you of all motor function, eyesight, vocal chords then abandon you on the sidewalk with a label around your neck containing just your hotel address and the annotation 'Please put me to bed'. This morning I rather felt as though I’d been buried under a truck load of pineapples while simultaneously being waterboarded by Captain Morgan and Comrade Smirnoff.

Now not all of this wanton drunkenness was entirely sun and sand provoked frivolity you understand. My fair weather football team, Crystal Palace earned a vital 3 points to keep the dream of Premiership football alive for one more season, plus I sold a holiday yesterday, one from Google rather than trade shows and personal recommendations. So I’m bound to claim that the whole affair was with considerable justification, but deep down, I, and everyone else should be honest and declare it a holiday overindulgence and leave it at that.

On completely separate note, I was rather boldly propositioned this morning while getting my morning cup of tea to go. Sadly the lady in question was as drunk as a skunk despite the early hour, and I fear a touch mentally short of the mark. Still, a man of my age can’t entirely dismiss a ‘you is one haaaaansum man you is’ accompanied by a provocative flash of the left tit without at least a grateful acknowledgement, no matter the degree of incapacity or insanity of the commentator. Plus, for all I know, I looked exactly the same to whomever I engaged last night, assuming I engaged anyone at all, on my rum and vodka soaked extravaganza, so… people in glass houses and all that….

Aside from the rock n roll side of life, I had a simply marvellous guava jam to go on my toast for breakfast and took a long stroll up the Placencia peninsular.